Monday, March 02, 2009

Smell the color 9

I love Chris Rice.  He always, somehow, puts into lyrics exactly what I've been feeling and thinking and crying in my heart.

I would take no for an answer
Just to know I heard You speak
And I'm wondering why I've never
Seen the signs they claim to see
Lot of special revelations
Meant for everybody but me
Maybe I don't truly know You
Or maybe I just simply believe
~Smell the Color 9

For years, every time I have a rather vital decision to make, I've told God, "I don't care what You say.  Just say something; just let me know You're answering."  Usually He doesn't; usually I end up having to use my judgment and common sense and the circumstances and my biblical knowledge and others' godly counsel to decide.  I don't hear a voice.  I have to guess.

I hate that.  But it seems to be the way God "speaks" to me.

And maybe it's all wrong, maybe I should wait until I definitely-absolutely-clearly hear Him speak. Maybe He has been speaking and I just haven't been listening.  That has been true sometimes; I shrink from listening because I'm so afraid to wait and hear nothing.  It's easier to go on as I know how to-- asking for a voice, but never "hearing the calling" and never expecting to.

Even if I'm wrong, it's good to know that someone else shares the burden of my aching heart.

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