Just to know I heard You speak
And I'm wondering why I've never
Seen the signs they claim to see
Lot of special revelations
Meant for everybody but me
Maybe I don't truly know You
Or maybe I just simply believe
~Smell the Color 9
For years, every time I have a rather vital decision to make, I've told God, "I don't care what You say. Just say something; just let me know You're answering." Usually He doesn't; usually I end up having to use my judgment and common sense and the circumstances and my biblical knowledge and others' godly counsel to decide. I don't hear a voice. I have to guess.
I hate that. But it seems to be the way God "speaks" to me.
And maybe it's all wrong, maybe I should wait until I definitely-absolutely-clearly hear Him speak. Maybe He has been speaking and I just haven't been listening. That has been true sometimes; I shrink from listening because I'm so afraid to wait and hear nothing. It's easier to go on as I know how to-- asking for a voice, but never "hearing the calling" and never expecting to.
Even if I'm wrong, it's good to know that someone else shares the burden of my aching heart.